I've been through a lot in my life but I've never experienced pain like this. My heart isn't ripped out; it's still there twisted and broken into a million pieces. Each piece has a memory of our 13 year old, Shepherd Mix Dog named, Deeogee. We lost him on February 12th, 2015. Deeogee battled arthritis and over his last couple weeks; he couldn't sit or stand without his legs giving out in weakness and severe pain. It was “his time”; but "his time" didn't make it any easier. We made "the" appointment and took him to the vet. While she administered his IV medication, I lay over his body and cried like he was my child. He was my four legged- furry child. He was a good dog and I loved him.
In fact, all I could keep saying for days was, “I loved him”.
Nothing can prepare you for this kind of loss and pain; no words can make it easier. I'm well aware that time allows God to heal our hearts but I'm not quite sure how to do this yet. At the same time, I don't understand this thing called, “death”. Why must something we love so much be taken away?
What if I don't know all of the answers because God doesn't want me to know everything? He is God and He knows best! I’m learning that acceptance of this truth enables me to live in peace. I don't have all the answers but I know the One who does. It’s okay to ask God questions and many times He will answer us, but we are also called to simply trust Him with or without answers.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
I will keep holding onto Jesus. I know that even when I don't feel His presence, He is with me. I know He is carrying me through this right now because I don't have the strength for this heart-ache.
Some time has passed, and we now have a 10 week old black Labrador, male puppy named Brewster. He is precious, soft, energetic and an enormous handful. While we are still grieving the loss of our loyal Deeogee, this new little man of ours is bringing us much joy. (And sleepless nights!)
While a new dog never replaces an old one, it creates new memories, enjoyable moments, a lot of lessons in life and they expand our ability to love unconditionally. Dogs are a gift for many people and they change lives Fur-ever!
I want to encourage you in anything you are going through. God will see you through too. “His love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, His faithfulness to the skies. His righteousness is like the highest mountains, His justice like the great deep. You, LORD, preserve both people and animals. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings." (Psalm 36:5-7)
My Sweet Deeogee,
While you aren't here anymore in our home, you will remain forever in our hearts. I love you so much and I miss you. I pray and hope one day, you and I can play Frisbee again while you run and jump high without pain. You are a good boy. Please never forget our love for you.
With all my heart,
Passionately leading you closer to Jesus Christ. Helping you break through insecurity and doubt, encouraging you to live a life of freedom and healing. Motivating you to a deeper level of faith in Jesus Christ.